Thursday, October 18, 2012

On Wings Like Eagles

There's a bald eagle that lives on this lake.  We've only seen it a handful of times, and I never tire of seeing it.  It awes me everytime. I was finally able to get some shots today.

This tree is about 75-100 yards in front of our house

I wish I could've gotten closer, but as you can see he would have none of it

Everytime I see the eagle I always think of Isaiah 40:31:

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)
I love the original King James version too:
But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.


Friday, October 5, 2012

Day 4 & 5

I missed yesterday, so I'm catching up

Day 4 - Treasured Item
I actually have several items I could share for this one, but I will share those on other days.  This is a box I keep on our dresser to hold all of Jacob's pictures and momentos
Day 5 - Memorial
Again, we have some other things we've done in memory of him, but this is his little Japanese maple.  We planted it in front of our house so we see it every single day. 
Ya know, there's a lot more to say about both these pictures, but I just haven't been feeling the whole Capture Your Grief thing these past few days.  I'm going through a rough patch.  I've basically been asked twice in the last week weather I've had my baby yet.  I wasn't expecting it either time and this last time, on Wednesday, just kicked my butt.   It just rips my heart out everytime, and I thought I was done hearing that question.  It seems that just about the time I get my head above water, I get shoved right back under, and I'm still trying to surface two days later.
People compare grief to waves in the ocean, and that's definitely a valid comparison.  It does ebb and flow. It also reminds me of fog.  Sometimes it moves in, and its so dense and so heavy you can hardly move or see.  It just envelops you, and you can't get away from it.  That's how these last few days have felt. I need a break.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 3 - After loss


Me and my Moose dog on a walk this weekend.

THIS I love!  It cracks me up!
I'm not sure there are any profound words to follow that last pic :)
So, I'll just leave it here for today

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Day 2 - Before Loss

This was taken at 23 weeks, and it's the last pic of me before we lost Jay.  I remember I had just gotten home from town and slipped into my comfy clothes.  My friend, Haley, wanted to see a recent belly pic, so Zack snapped one right quick.  I've looked at all the other Before Loss pictures posted on the Facebook event page. 
The overwhelming theme has been:
I was so oblivious to the heartbreak that was just around the corner. 
 I feel the same exact way.  Three weeks prior to this at our 20 week anatomy scan, he was perfectly healthy.  We knew nothing of clotting disorders, or that stillbirths even happened in this day and age.
Two weeks later our whole world came crashing down

Miss you like crazy sweet boy

Monday, October 1, 2012

Capture your Grief - Day 1

October is Preganancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and I'm joining with CarlyMarie and a thousand other angel mama's on Facebook for this event.  Basically, each day has a grief-related subject and you "capture your grief" in a photo and share it.  I think this is a great idea, and I hope it will be a therapeutic process for me.

The subjects for each day are here -

I knew I wouldn't get a good picture of the sunrise on this dreary morning, so I snapped a picture a bit later.

The afternoon made up for the morning though.....rainbows followed me around :)

On my way to town
Another, an hour or so later