Monday, January 7, 2013


That's how I'm feeling after the past couple months....the past year.  I'm so thankful the holidays are over. People say they're hard after any loss and they're right. It hasn't just been the big days, like what should have been Jacob's first Christmas, that have left me feeling spent.  It's also the usual monthly anniversaries and a string of other personally significant days too. We started trying for and quickly conceived Jacob this time last year. Actually, exactly a year ago I was about 3 weeks pregnant and had no clue. I don't even know how to describe how it feels to think back on that time and how hopeful and excited we were.

I miss us. I miss him.

I heard this song a couple days ago, and it struck me. It articulates so many of my thoughts and emotions. I'm sure it will be validating for other angel mommas out there and anyone else walking through a season of suffering.

 Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn